We are currently 31 weeks and 1 day into our journey together as mommy and baby. I cannot comprehend or fully express how much I love you already. From the moment I knew I was pregnant I felt an amazing connection to you. I felt like I had always known you, like I was always meant to be your mama.
There was a terrible tragedy in our state today. A gun man went into an elementary school in Newtown, CT and shot and killed 27 people, 20 of whom were innocent children not much older than your cousins. I feel like I am grieving this tragedy in a different way than I would have a year ago. The thought that there are 20 sets of parents in our state that will not get to tuck their children in tonight and will not get to see them unwrap presents from Santa on Christmas morning is heart wrenching. The fact that they will not get to see their children grow and learn and graduate and LIVE is heart breaking on a whole new level right now. Even though you are still growing inside my belly, and you are still unborn, the thought of losing you literally takes my breath away.
I have struggled all day with the thought that I am bringing you until a world that seems so full of hate and violence. I can only hope that you, and your generation, will bring a new light of hope and love into this world. That you will be a generation more focused on the power of love rather than the love of power. Maybe we as parents can teach you the power of a kind word, of an outstretched hand, and of positive thinking. I hope I can teach you that we are all one in this universe and to love one self means to love all creatures. I hope we can teach your generation that unity and love can heal even the deepest wounds, and that a conversation can and should be what solves the worlds problems and not guns.
I want you to know that you can always come home. That you can always talk to me about anything. That when the world seems just a little too cruel, and a little too over whelming that I will drop whatever I am doing to have a cup of coffee with you.
I love you baby. I already cannot imagine my life without you and have no idea what life was like before you. I know my world will change even more when you are born and I cannot wait. If you are crying through night it at least means you are breathing. If you have soiled a diaper for the 15th time in one day it means you body is working as it should. I cannot wait to meet you, love you, teach you things, and learn from you.
Please know that you are already so loved.